Thank You for Your Disagreement
(originally published 6/14/2016 on my personal LinkedIn page)
It has happened to you. It’s a quiet afternoon and you’ve actually found a few moments to slip away from the usually chaotic pace of the world and just relax. Maybe you’re watching a movie, listening to some music, or just reading a newspaper in peace and quiet. Then the doorbell rings. You aren’t expecting any friendly visitors or package deliveries. If you live in my house, the dogs start losing their minds. Maybe in your house, the noise woke up a sleeping baby. Either way, your moment of quiet was just shattered, and you are unthrilled. A sensation somewhere on spectrum between mild annoyance and deep contempt boils up in you as you get to your feet and walk to the front door. You don’t know who is on your front step, but you are confident that you wish they weren’t.
You prepare yourself for the door-to-door salesperson, or fundraising schoolchild that is likely to greet you, but it is worse. You open the door to find someone canvassing your neighborhood to tell you about their religion. You want none of this. Your mind starts racing for a good excuse to end this conversation quickly. You contemplate just wordlessly closing the door.
Irrespective of your religious affiliation (or lack thereof), you have likely had a person at your front door who is espousing a view of life that is different from your own. We’ve all been there. More often than not, I am not at all interested in buying what they’re selling and wish I had just quietly let the bell ring until they moved on to the next house. This is my reaction until I consider why this person is at my door.
A stranger has found something in their world that has deeply struck them as being good and true. Their discovery may have origins in the words of a certain community, the stories of a book, the lyrics of an ancient song, or some combination of such things. This person has found something in their life that has granted them some joy and peace. The act of attempting to share such a thing is an extraordinary act of generosity. They have opened themselves up to repeated rejection and occasional ridicule, to attempt to share something that they value with you. I have friends of all faiths, and I am moved by this generosity every time they attempt to offer me such a gift, even though I know I do not share many of their beliefs.
Recently, I was offering financial planning services to someone who needed it badly. I felt so deeply that I could help this person that I would have helped them get started for free! I was willing to give away some of the same guidance that others pay for, and I felt like I was fighting an uphill battle. Eventually the conversation ended and nothing about this individual’s situation had changed. I was frustrated and mumbling to myself “Why don’t they understand that this is an act of generosity?” It was then that I thought about the door-to-door missionaries. Like them, I was offering up something that I firmly believe is true and can make a person’s life better. Like them, it turned out that my message was simply not meant to touch the lives of everyone.
In all of our lives, we are likely to behave as missionaries of sorts from time to time. The message you bring may not be one of faith, but only something that you believe can make someone’s life better. You might be offering them something as complicated as a new diet and exercise program or as simple as a new shortcut on their drive home from work. In recent times, the views you share may be more likely to touch on economics or your feelings on certain social or political issues. You may be well served to ask yourself if you are sharing your beliefs as an act of generosity, or for a different reason all together. Feel free to question the motives of others as well. Choose your discussion partners accordingly.
It is not inherently bad to disagree. If you feel your counterpoints can help someone, you are doing them a favor by introducing new facts into their world view. You must be willing to consider however, that they may be trying to help you in the same way. Whenever I share thoughts like these, I am contacted by those who don’t agree with some part of what I have written. I encourage your feedback and I am grateful for your disagreement.
“Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.”