Surviving the Age of the Unapologetic
(originally published 5/9/2016)
“I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.”
The words above were uttered by what might best be described as a movie antihero. Tyler was a criminal and a maniac. In the original novel Fight Club, the narrator explains:
“I love everything about Tyler Durden, his courage, his smarts, and his nerve. Tyler is funny and forceful and independent, and men look up to him and expect him to change their world. Tyler is capable and free, and I am not."
(If you haven’t yet read the book or watched the movie Fight Club, I should warn you that I’m about to ruin the ending).
The great irony is that the Tyler and the Narrator turn out to be the same man. This courageous, smart, independent and forceful (and criminally insane) man was living beneath the surface of a boring modern-day “everyman.” It took a psychotic break for the two characters to meet. The novel was written 20 years ago, but I have a strong suspicion that Tyler Durden would be an even more popular character today than he was in the 1990s. I have no doubts that now, more than then, we are living in the Golden Age of the Unapologetic.
One has to look no further than our most prominent figures in politics (I won’t name names, in order to keep the comments civil) or sports to see that the fast lane to celebrity is traveled by the defiant, unrepentant, and sometimes even remorseless. This is not a new phenomenon. Long before Tyler Durden, one could just as easily find the unapologetic antihero in the charismatic portrayals of Billy the Kid, Cool Hand Luke, or Scarface.
What are we to do as a culture when exposure to some necessary traits such as honesty, charisma, and leadership come at a societal cost? To be bold is not inherently bad, but what about when someone becomes boldly prejudiced? How can we encourage the nobly defiant, while discouraging the ruthlessly inhumane?
In an age when it seems that audiences believe the loudest voice to be the most correct, how are we to minimize the threat of the roaring wrong? All too often today, I see arguments “lost” by the party who attempts to cling to a shred of civility in their disagreement. Unfortunately, the admirable attempt to allow one’s opposition the ability to save face is now seen as rhetorical weakness. It is difficult to observe our society without remarking on the erosion of civil discourse at all levels from national politics and network TV, to town board meetings and social media posts.
It wouldn’t do anyone any good if I pointed out this issue, and did not at least hint at a solution. While a “fight fire with fire” mentality is often a path towards greater conflict, I can’t help but wonder “what if.” What if peaceful messages were delivered with the same energy as hateful ones? What if the proponents of inclusion had all of the verve, but none of the venom as those whose aim it is to isolate and divide? Is it at least worth a try to be unashamed of our optimism and unrepentant in our generosity? Can this age of the unapologetic give birth to a generation of the unapologetically compassionate? I don’t know, but I’m curious to see us try.
I should warn you that you may encounter enemies, even in the pursuit of a noble idea. People will call you blissfully ignorant because you are optimistic. You will be called gullible as a result of being generous, and naïve for being compassionate. This is when you must not forget your place among the unapologetic.
Carry a sign proclaiming your optimism, while wearing a t-shirt encouraging generosity. Put a bumper sticker on your car, declaring your boundless compassion for all. Smile in the faces of those who lack your courage, and make no apologies for it. Know that you are not alone.
“The more you are motivated by Love, The more Fearless & Free your action will be.”